Few Quickies

BRIAN1956

DW Joke King
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The big-game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter.

The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that.

But then he said that he could recognize any animal's skin by feeling it, and he could tell what caliber rifle was used to shoot it by locating the bullet hole.

This was a bit too much for the other customers, and soon a heated argument started.

The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and the bet was on.

They blindfolded him and took him to his first animal skin.

After feeling it for a few moments, he announced, "Springbok."

Then he felt for the bullet hole and declared, "And it was shot with a .22 rifle."

He was right!

The others could not believe it and the argument was even hotter than before.
When someone suggested that he must have peeped, he said that he was prepared to do it again for another round.

So they blindfolded him again, very thoroughly this time, and they brought a skin that someone happened to have in the trunk of his car.

He took a bit longer this time and then said, "Kalahari Lion."

Fingering the bullet hole, he added, "The rifle was a .308."

He was right again!

This only made the crowd more curious, and he had to prove his skills over and over again, every time winning a round of drinks.

Finally he staggered home, bombed out of his mind, and went to sleep.

The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell of a shiner.

So he said to his wife, "Listen, I know I was drunk last night, but not too drunk to know that I didn't get into a fight.

So where did I get this black eye?"

His wife replied angrily, "From me!"

"What did I do?" he asked.

She replied,

"You got into bed and put your hand inside my panties.

Then you fiddled around a bit and announced,

"Skunk, killed with an ax!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.

He says to the waiter, "Me want um coffee."

The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up."

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp,

picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns.

He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.

He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want um coffee."

The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto.

We're still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was all that about, anyway?"

The Indian smiles and proudly says,

"Me um training for upper management position:

Come in, drink um coffee, shoot um shit, leave um mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest um day."
 

allanj

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Hey Brian mate. You have more quickies than a £5 whore.:Clap::Clap:
 
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