BRIAN1956
DW Joke King
A lion woke up one morning feeling extremely full of himself.
He went out and caught a small monkey and roared,
"Who is mightiest of all the jungle ?"
The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!
Later, the lion confronts a ox and fiercely bellows,
"Who is the mightiest of all the jungle ?"
The terrified ox stammers,
"Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!"
On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars,
"Who is mightiest of all the jungle ?"
Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk,
slams him against a tree half a dozen times,
then stomps on the lion till it looks like a cow pat and ambles away.
The lion lets out a moan of pain,
lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant –
"You Bastard,
Just because you don't know the answer,
you don't have to take a wobbly!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied.
A nurse noticed his predicament.
Sir, she said " You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any
of the buttons on the wall."
He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch.
Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP,
and a red one labeled ATR.
Who would know if he touched them?
He couldn't resist..
He pushed WW.
warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought.
Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.
Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button.
Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.
When this stopped, he pushed the PP button.
A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure..
The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure.
When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the
ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.
Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a
nurse was staring down at him.
"What happened?" he exclaimed.
The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button.
"The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover.
Your penis is under your pillow."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day.
He sat down next to a priest.
The drunk’s shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket.
He opened his newspaper and started reading.
A couple minutes later, he asked the priest,
- "Father, what causes arthritis?"
- "Well, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man," the priest replied.
- "Imagine that," the drunk muttered.
He returned to reading his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, turned to the man and apologized:
- "I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to come on so strong.
How long have you had arthritis?"
- "I don’t have arthritis, Father," the drunk said,
"but I just read in the paper that the Pope does."
He went out and caught a small monkey and roared,
"Who is mightiest of all the jungle ?"
The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!
Later, the lion confronts a ox and fiercely bellows,
"Who is the mightiest of all the jungle ?"
The terrified ox stammers,
"Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!"
On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars,
"Who is mightiest of all the jungle ?"
Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk,
slams him against a tree half a dozen times,
then stomps on the lion till it looks like a cow pat and ambles away.
The lion lets out a moan of pain,
lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant –
"You Bastard,
Just because you don't know the answer,
you don't have to take a wobbly!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied.
A nurse noticed his predicament.
Sir, she said " You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any
of the buttons on the wall."
He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch.
Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP,
and a red one labeled ATR.
Who would know if he touched them?
He couldn't resist..
He pushed WW.
warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought.
Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.
Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button.
Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.
When this stopped, he pushed the PP button.
A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure..
The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure.
When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the
ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.
Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a
nurse was staring down at him.
"What happened?" he exclaimed.
The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button.
"The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover.
Your penis is under your pillow."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day.
He sat down next to a priest.
The drunk’s shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket.
He opened his newspaper and started reading.
A couple minutes later, he asked the priest,
- "Father, what causes arthritis?"
- "Well, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man," the priest replied.
- "Imagine that," the drunk muttered.
He returned to reading his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, turned to the man and apologized:
- "I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to come on so strong.
How long have you had arthritis?"
- "I don’t have arthritis, Father," the drunk said,
"but I just read in the paper that the Pope does."
