I had my surgery yesterday.
I walked in 25 minutes early, was taken almost immediately for a quick chat, and to run another test on my (left) eye to make sure all was hunky dory. I then sat back down in the waiting room for a few minutes before being whisked away to the pre-op area, or should I say sasheyed away (snigger).
Once there I was fitted for plastic overshoes, a natty hat, and a rather fetching gown. I had assumed that as I had seen umpteen movies and TV shows featuring hospital scenes, I would know how to put the gown on, but apparently I had it all wrong, so once I had apologised and put my clothes back on under the gown, I was ready to go.
They placed me what looked like a dentists chair which had been reclined that much that it was horizontal. It brought me in mind of every single passenger who has ever sat in front of me during a flight.
I positioned myself on the chair and the assistant put a couple of drops in my eye to numb it. At first it was cold and stung slightly, but it was more of a minor annoyance than anything else, so after a minute or so after that (so it seemed), she placed another drop or two in, but I didn't feel anything that time, so I was good to go.
They swivelled me around and placed me under one of the machines for part #1 of the main procedure. I was asked to focus on a pinpoint of light. I felt something push against my eyeball for a few seconds while the assistance said "3-2-1". After that it was all over...a flap had been cut in my eyeball. I was kind of expecting someone to follow this up with "...and you're back in the room", however my main concern was that Ted Rogers had taken up residency in a Optical Surgery in Glasgow, however my fears were allayed once I remembered that he had passed away over 15 years ago during an Open-Heart surgery procedure.
I still consider it uncanny that Ted passed over while on an operating table and I was reminded of his catchphrase when I was on an operating table. I've never been a great fan of his, but I do believe we now have a connection R.I.P. Ted, you were one of the best.
Anyway...The surgeon then said "that's the sore part over with", which delighted me somewhat. And as it wasn't at all painful, was a bit of a bonus. To be honest, I knew that something was pressing against my eyeball, and it felt unnatural, but it was all over so quickly, I didn't have time to register it or do anything to counter the sensation. I knew that the weird sensation was beneficial (albeit feeling weird), and by the time I had processed and weighed these thoughts up & down, it was over and done with, and I was well on my way to recovery & 20/20 vision.
Once completed, I was brought back again to the cental point between the two James Bond Villain Death Machines (sorry...Optical Enhancement Equipment Devices), where I lay for a moment to have other unnatural stuff done to my peep-hole.
Although my vision in my left eye was blurred with the flap being cut, I could sense that stuff was still happening, and that this stage involved the surgeon peeling back the flap in order that the laser could do the biz.
Part #2
The surgeon then swivelled the chair to the other machine, and fitted me with a speculum. For the avoidance of doubt, this was an OPTICAL Speculum and not the other type, as that would be an entirely different operation altogether.
I was reminded very briefly of Alex (A Clockwork Orange) while he was fitted with a speculum, however during his encounter, he was treated to all sorts of interesting visual delights, while in contrast I only had a flashing light and some blurred shapes as my visual entertainment.
The Surgeon lined the laser up with my eye, while the delightful Ted Rogers impersonator once again announced "3-2-1", and that was that. The surgeon then cleaned the area, folded back the flap, and I was asked to go through to the post-op area where I wqs given my eye drops, night time gogggles, and after care instructions.
On leaving the Surgery I could immediately see an improvement, but when I got into my car and my Wife started driving me home, the numbin gdrops started wearing off and I started feeling very slight discomfort.
I can only describe the sensation as being like my eye being bruised, so I closed it during the journey home, but after an Ibuprofen and some eye drops, the feeling began to subside.
On to the next day...
I am am now able to drive and read without the need for glasses. I had surgery on one eye, so I have Omnivision. I'm delighted with it and am happy that I no longer need glasses.
Best £1250 I have ever spent!!!
This post brought to you by sheer elation, & a copious amount of Rum & Pep