Corny 1 Liner Thread

I once took a stuffed dog to the Antiques Roadshow.

The chap said "This is very rare, do you know what it would fetch if it was in good condition?"

I replied "Dunno, sticks I suppose?"
 
Just had two police officers at my front door!
They asked me the following questions.
'Are you familiar with the letters HB'?
I said, 'No i'm not'
'How about LS'?
'No'
'What about JD'?
I said, hang on a minute, am I a suspect or something'?
They said, No these are just initial enquiries'
 
Scouser is touring America on holiday and stops in a remote bar in the hills of Nevada. He's chatting to the barman when he spies an old Native American sitting in a corner.
"Who's he?" asks the Scouser.
"That's the Memory Man," says the barman.
"He knows everything. He can remember any fact. Go and try him out."
So the Scouser wanders over and asks: "Who won the 1965 FA Cup Final?"
"Liverpool," replies the Memory Man.
The tourist is amazed.
"Who did they beat?"
"Leeds," comes the reply.
"And the score?"
"2-1."
Scouser tries something more specific.
"Who scored the winning goal?"
Native American does not even blink:
"Ian St John."
The Liverpudlian returns home and regales his relatives and friends with his tale, and he's determined to return and pay his respects to this amazing man.
Ten years later he has saved enough money and returns to America. After weeks of searching through the towns of Nevada, Scouser finds the Memory Man in a cave in the mountains.
The Scouser steps forward, bows and greets the Native American in what he imagines from old films to be his traditional native tongue:
"How."
The Memory Man squints at him and says:
"Diving header in the six-yard box."

RIP Ian, they knew you everywhere.
 
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