Banned from Sainsbury's

stihl260

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Banned from Sainsbury's

Yesterday I was at my local Sainsbury's buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had? An elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I
ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

I'm now banned from Sainsbury's.

Better watch what you ask retired people.

They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.
 

RAB - P

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Reminds me of the time I got Banned from B&Q.

went in for some paint
and this prat in an orange overaul says
"do you want Deckin"
well one swift boot in the chuckies later
I'm banned.
 

Bracket

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I remember when I was banned from the local swimming baths because I had my speedo trunks on.

How was I to know the fucking 'S' had fallen off the logo!!
 

Bracket

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I also remember the biker who was banned for hitting the fastest ever speed on a Scottish road - 166mph.

This beats the previous best of 158mph set by a Tennent's Super Lager delivery driver passing through Glasgow.
 

johnden

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Awesome dude pmsl
 
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