Al Queda Fighters


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Mar 29, 2005
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On the rock
To: All Al Queda Fighters

From: Bin Laden, Osama

Date: Wed, 22 Jan 2003 22:26:04 +0000 (GMT)

Subject: The Cave

Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've really
together as a group and I love that! However, while we are fighting a jihad,
we can't forget to take care of the cave, and frankly I have a few concerns:

First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we
should be even more concerned about the dust in our cave. We want to avoid
excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) so we need to sweep
the cave daily. I've done my bit on the cleaning rota, have you?

I've posted a sign-up sheet near the cave reception area next to the halal

Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying
scare the sh*t out of most of the world's population, okay? That means that
while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter in the background or
keep doing the 'Wassup' thing.


Third: Food. I bought a box of Dairylea recently, clearly wrote "Ossy" on
the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of my Dairylea slices
were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.

Fourth: I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must distance
ourselves from the Infidel's bat and ball games. Please do not chant "Ossy,
Ossy, Ossy, Oy, Oy, Oy" when I ride past on the donkey. Thanks.

Five: Graffiti. Whoever wrote "OSAMA F**kS DONKEYS" on the group toilet
wall. It's a lie, the donkey backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself
at the edge of the mountain.

Six: The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old excuse that
the 'chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the edge of
the mountain' will not be accepted in future. (With donkeys, there is a

Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise

trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for

them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.

Love you lots,

Group Hug.


PS - I'm sick of having "Osama's Bed Linen" scribbled on my laundrybag.

Cut it out, it's not funny any more.