BRIAN1956
DW Joke King
FEMALE PRAYER
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
Amen.
MALE PRAYER
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with great boobs who owns a liquor store and a bass boat.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't care
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down.
An American Indian on horseback soon came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.
She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.
The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would shout out a wild "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a-" so loud that it echoed off the surrounding hills.
When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, she expressed her thanks, and he yelled a final "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a!" and rode off.
"Why was that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant.
"I don't know. I just rode behind him on the horse with my arms around his waist and holding onto the saddle horn so that I wouldn't fall off," the woman answered.
"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.
Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up.
Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?"
They draw straws.
Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one.
They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is.
"Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet.
Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me."
Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants.
Rippington says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards."
She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!"
Rippington says, " OK I'll tell him."
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
Amen.
MALE PRAYER
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with great boobs who owns a liquor store and a bass boat.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't care
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down.
An American Indian on horseback soon came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.
She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.
The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would shout out a wild "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a-" so loud that it echoed off the surrounding hills.
When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, she expressed her thanks, and he yelled a final "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a!" and rode off.
"Why was that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant.
"I don't know. I just rode behind him on the horse with my arms around his waist and holding onto the saddle horn so that I wouldn't fall off," the woman answered.
"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.
Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up.
Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?"
They draw straws.
Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one.
They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is.
"Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet.
Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me."
Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants.
Rippington says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards."
She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!"
Rippington says, " OK I'll tell him."
