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leggoman

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Annual Stella Awards

Time once again to review the winners of the Annual "Stella Awards."
The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled
hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's (in NM). That case
inspired the Stella Awards for the most frivolous, ridiculous, successful
lawsuits in the United States.

Here are this year's winners:

5th Place (tie): Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded
$80,000. by a jury of her >peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a
toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store
were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving
little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.

5th Place (tie): 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000.
and medical expenses when his neighbour ran over his hand with a Honda
Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the
wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbour's hubcaps.

5th Place (tie): Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a
house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to
get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was
malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting
the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on
vacation, and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days.
He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food.
He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue
mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000. In my opinion this
is so outrageous that it should have been 2nd Place!

4th Place: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500
and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door
neighbour's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard.
The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have
been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who had climbed
over the fence into the yard and was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet
gun.

3rd Place: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of
Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500. after she slipped on a soft drink and
broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms.
Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

2nd Place: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the
owner of a night club in a neighbouring city when she fell from the bathroom
window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while
Ms.Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid
paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000. and dental expenses.

1st Place: This year's runaway winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma
City, Oklahoma. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot
Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, (from an OU football game),
having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and
calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back & make herself a sandwich.

Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned.
Mrs.Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising her in the owner's manual that
she couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded her $1,750,000. plus a new
motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this
suit, just in case there were any other complete morons around.
 
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