My mate called me this morning after his new girlfriend stayed the night for the first time.
Mate: Goldy, I was going to knock our lass up something nice for breakfast but need your help.
Goldy: Erm, it's 6:45 mate.. What the funk!
Mate: I know I am sorry, but I really want to make an effort...
Goldy: Shitting hell... Ok I will try. What did you have in mind..
Mate: Some nice Orange Juice and all the rest but I wanted to make an effort with the main event, a Lettuce Platter!
Goldy: Hang on a minute, you call me at 6:45 in the AM to ask me how to knock up a ****ing lettuce platter!
Mate: Erm.. Yeah? I was thinking Cos, Iceburg and the likes?
Goldy: A ****ING LETTUCE PLATTER FOR BREAKFAST!?!
Mate: Yeah, I thought it would be nice as she probably eats like one too!