- Joined
- May 27, 2001
- Messages
- 20,896
- Reaction score
- 530
Once upon a time a small dogfish called Elvis Incidentally Smith, lived by the North Pole inside a teepee with a large collection of hardcore prawn dvds, and then realised his other half promiscuously sucking on carrots that looked like cucumbers. He was overcome with the viagra effect, and took out some more insurance because his little tepee drooped disappointingly downwards. The Eskimos also had a catfish called after a famous sex kitten from Baywatch called Margaret Thatcher.<br />One day Margaret phoned I** Digital and complained that Santa Claus had inspected her box. On probing her parts Santa Claus found a crack had appeared in her lower flap of her nokia vibromaster. Now, Elvis Incidentally Smith blew his rubber gloves up with his mothers automatic leaf blower, but due to an unfortunate medical condition, his anus exploded, covering Margaret and Santa Claus with piles of genetic poo material, and snowy pictures.<br />Santa looked rather surprised at the size of his own medical condition called "reindeer horn gigantuar testicalitis". Also known as big balls and red sack. He shouted "be off you mink thong!" and "don't crab me again"! <br />Meanwhile, Margaret was dripping from her bright red nose through this ordeal! Now Elvis, feeling shook up, and moody (blue) was Way Down just as Damage34 had predicted. Mickie the monkey spanked his huge hairy pendulous looking scrotum, and roared with pain and delight "Yes! Yes! Yes!".<br />Smith unzipped the files and began thrashing Margaret's keyboard. Meanwhile a glow radiating vigorously from within the digi box like the great purple singing rhinoceros. Now confused, Santa spat out the 'mushroom' flavoured mince pie and grabbed a handful of magic mushrooms, stuffing them up his nostrils, he began firing them at will, Margaret leap-frogged, and Elvis started to dance around her christmas pud like an indian rain dance.<br />Suddenly, minge piece took out her cracker shaped personal organiser thingy-be-jig, opened it and gently pushed the end against the interface moaning "I want to get connected". Unfortunately, this story did not have an interface, because the RS232 was waiting for Sir Clive Sinclair to finish using it for downloading father christmas mp3s from <a href="http://www.kazaa.com" target="_blank">www.kazaa.com</a> when he forgot he had left his turkey gobbling the stuffin' with his pecker. He ran back to mama, who was washing her bloomers in the bathtub with the dishes. <br />"WHAT THE F*** are you doing muma f***er?". "Help me with these stains son". Miraculously the stuffing that was inside the turkey had turned into beef jerky. <br />While this was going on the tepee began to look as if a Jacuzzi and shot water twenty seven feet from a gash by the flap, water was slightly coloured and smelt like a toilet door made out of fish boxes and gushing everywhere was liquid poo that Smith sniffed deeply and rubbed all over his body, laughing as he licked the turkey's giblets.<br />Feeling left out, Rudolf the red nosed pub landlord said "You're barred nobhead, go without any sex until my Hand pumped foaming brown ale flows like a virgins urine.<br />All over the world, members cats started hallucinating that Osama Bin Laden's arse was similar to my ex wife's screwed up wrinkled face, but Bin Laden had bin hiding the sausage dog monster up his back passage and bin stuffin the camel up his bunker, creating mass hysteria when ELVIS shot Gazer in the Ring Piece with his pea shooter loaded with hard pellets of rabbits shit, bursting his Farmers. Mickie the monkey also shooting blanks, laughed his **ck off. Without his sock his life was meaningless.<br />Meanwhile, Margaret was completly incoherent from the 2ltrs of Russian vodka she had earlier. Then she went up to the Kebab shop, next door to the gents and spewed over a little dog called Willy, who was having a dump, " I don't remember eating that dog" said Margaret, but i fancy a bit of a beast,like one out of ELVIS's prawn dvds! and as luck would have it(the story should really have ended as it was Boxing day), so join me in a bottle or two of whisky and wish everyone a very Happy New Year! and ho! ho! ho! and a bottle of rum. (THE END)
