Man logic is perfectly simple:
Woman Logic is not:
Problem: I am thirsty and in need of refreshment.
Man Solution: Drink beer.
Woman Solution: Spend five hours deciding which flavour of Bacardi Breezer to drink, worry about getting fat, count calories in each flavour. Get stressed, as blokes have bought six rounds by this point, have a glass of water as it's 11pm. Sulk for
the week because you got left out and had to drive.
Problem: I feel bloated and uncomfortable.
Man Solution: Fart As Loudly as possible. Celebrate by having a beer.
Woman Solution: Spend £12 on Wind-eze and other such quack medication because ladies don't fart apparently. Sulk because he saves the biggest fart until you're in bed together.
Problem: My feet hurt.
Man Solution: Find a pub and take the weight off them. Have a beer whilst you're at it.
Woman Solution: Spend £250 on new shoes. Never wear them as they're uncomfortable when new.
Problem: I am hungry.
Man Solution: Eat food. Any food. Preferably hot enough to generate a beer thirst.
Woman Solution: Spend seven hours finding suitable
low-calorie food that satisfies your taste buds, spend hours cooking and preparing it. Sulk when bloke arrives stinking of beer with a Donner Kebab.
Problem: I am depressed.
Man Solution: Drink beer with your mates, talk about how great breasts are and forget what the problem was.
Woman Solution: Cry. For no reason whatsoever. Ring bloke. Get upset with him for something he didn't do / doesn't remember doing / wasn't physically capable of doing.
Ring friend make her cry too.
Problem: I am bored and have no money.
Man Solution: Have a beer - that's what you spent your money on right?
Woman Solution: Count your collection of unworn shoes, tidy house, shout at bloke for being messy, watch Bridget Jones / Titanic / Girlie Film. Cry about something meaningless and
unimportant, cry more because you don't know why you're crying.
Think how wonderful bloke is as he gives you a loving cuddle,
until you notice that he smells of beer and is actually relying on you to hold him upright. Shout a bit and cry some more.
Woman Logic is not:
Problem: I am thirsty and in need of refreshment.
Man Solution: Drink beer.
Woman Solution: Spend five hours deciding which flavour of Bacardi Breezer to drink, worry about getting fat, count calories in each flavour. Get stressed, as blokes have bought six rounds by this point, have a glass of water as it's 11pm. Sulk for
the week because you got left out and had to drive.
Problem: I feel bloated and uncomfortable.
Man Solution: Fart As Loudly as possible. Celebrate by having a beer.
Woman Solution: Spend £12 on Wind-eze and other such quack medication because ladies don't fart apparently. Sulk because he saves the biggest fart until you're in bed together.
Problem: My feet hurt.
Man Solution: Find a pub and take the weight off them. Have a beer whilst you're at it.
Woman Solution: Spend £250 on new shoes. Never wear them as they're uncomfortable when new.
Problem: I am hungry.
Man Solution: Eat food. Any food. Preferably hot enough to generate a beer thirst.
Woman Solution: Spend seven hours finding suitable
low-calorie food that satisfies your taste buds, spend hours cooking and preparing it. Sulk when bloke arrives stinking of beer with a Donner Kebab.
Problem: I am depressed.
Man Solution: Drink beer with your mates, talk about how great breasts are and forget what the problem was.
Woman Solution: Cry. For no reason whatsoever. Ring bloke. Get upset with him for something he didn't do / doesn't remember doing / wasn't physically capable of doing.
Ring friend make her cry too.
Problem: I am bored and have no money.
Man Solution: Have a beer - that's what you spent your money on right?
Woman Solution: Count your collection of unworn shoes, tidy house, shout at bloke for being messy, watch Bridget Jones / Titanic / Girlie Film. Cry about something meaningless and
unimportant, cry more because you don't know why you're crying.
Think how wonderful bloke is as he gives you a loving cuddle,
until you notice that he smells of beer and is actually relying on you to hold him upright. Shout a bit and cry some more.
