Rodbouy

Here’s mine

Been seeing my current partner for a few months (8 years ago now) and the bed I had was a noisy fcker, you could fart and this thing would sound like you going at it like a a pair of rabbits on speed. Anyway one morning after we surface and we went down stairs before I took her to work. My mum and the neighbour were in having a gossip. so we sat down and after a few min my mums says “Agnes don’t suppose you have a spare set of ear plugs?” “I cant have another sleepless night with they two” Now you could imagine my face. We Just got up and walked out not even another word spoke. I’m sure I could hear the 2 fckers laugh as we got in the car.

Im sure that is way mild in comparison to what’s happened to others.

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jamesyboyjim

well a few years ago when i was still living at home my mum bollocked me for leaving a "wanky tissue" by the side of my bed lol of course she bought it up at the dinner table no less

Im usually good at disposing of the evidence of a bishop bash but i suppose we all make mistakes lol

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JamesyBoyJim

Explosivo

one time my mum walked in on me shagging a goat with a parsnip up my arse

beamer

peeps78

when i was about 4 years old and coulden remember my own name and everyone was teasing me about it

Explosivo

you couldn't remember your name but you can remember not remembering it?

bro

cant remember myself but JTHwas telling me he had one when he give up smoking and had to gets some bigger pants,he never said what the mirror was for though

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Cisk

When i was about 18 i was chatting to this girl in a club with curly hair while i was chewing a chewing gum, next thing it hit the back of my throat i gagged and the chewing gum flew through the air and into her hair.


She went ape

My mate hate to buy her a drink and get a scissors from the barman to cut it out, while i pulled a burner lol.

The thought of it still makes me chuckle.

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'Too weird to live, too rare to die'

hoppy

When i was 15 i was chatting up a local lass on the street sitting on my neighbors wall when a dog passing by pissed all over my foot.
Needless to say i didn't get the bird and my right foot was reeking...

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“A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. You think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a fu***** cross?"

Rodbouy

Priceless, One with my mate was we were in the universe nightclub when my mate was chatting this stunning wee blonde up, So were all blazing watching him try his best, so as he was leaning in to ask her name he stuck the head on her, I dropped my vod and coke and fell to the floor, so she leaned in to him to say her name again and bang he done it again square on the head, I couldnt believe what I was seeing, And I swear to god straight away he nutted her again, we were rolling about the floor, I was waiting for Jeremy beadle to pop out. So he just turned round and walked away.

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v14

Years ago me and my m8 were going out one night.
I arrive at his house and his sister tells me he's not out of the shower yet and invites me in.

So there's me, my m8s mum and dad, his sister and her boyfriend sitting in the livin room making small talk as you do when he comes bounding in with a towel round his waist and a large stringy dollop of congealed jiz matted into the hair on his shin.

His dad say's... you've got a bit of porridge on your leg son lolol.

f*ckin porridge pmsl.

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